Looking back at our lunch yesterday a crisis was diverted I almost embarrassed myself right out of the Pussy Foot Inn. The whole going out for lunch, reading a fancy menu thing well turned me into a jibbery scaredy cat.
I can't quite figure out why, in a way I dine a la chefs table all the time meaning I eat friskies in the kitchen while M cooks. You'd think going to a restaurant would be a walk in the park. Not.
I mean I looked the part and my neighbourhood cat buddies all looked so swish and Christmas-y too. Everything was going so well until I got the menu. Why was it written in gobble-de-dook and what's with all the big french-ish words? I couldn't understand a thing plus where were the friskies? And to top it off Miss Tilly was sitting right next to me. No wonder my nerves were jangling.
I sat for what seemed like an eternity frozen in my chair with a fake smile pasted on my face. Try as I did I couldn't focus on reading the menu and for some strange reason the words kept floating off the page like buzzing flies. I tried swatting them back onto the page, but no luck.
After a while my confidence started to droop, as much as I wanted to fit in it was just all too new for me. I knew it wouldn't be long before I made a complete funny old fool out of myself slurping my drinks, getting the catlery muddled up and licking all the butter off my bread.
I felt disaster looming. It was time for my exit plan. I stole a quick glance at Ms Tilly but she had her head deep in the menu I could hear her umming and arrring over the full of flavour fresh fish fantasia or the captivating culinary crumbly coated calamari (squid rings) boy that's alot of f's and c's.
"Waiter, I called. Could you please show me the way to the restrooms?" I excused myself from the table and we both padded off before long I was in the safety of the smallest room in the house surveying the open escape window.
My mind flashed back to Kingsgate. At least I was used to jumping in and out of small above the loo windows. Todays window was troubling-ly small.
Ok here goes I've got one shot to get this right. Otherwise it's back to the table for me.
Sprinting from the basin I gathered speed and made my perfectly timed jump on top of the loo then springing up off my back legs I leaped up and dived through the window. Except I got stuck half way. It's not that my butt was too big, no, remember the dress code was Santa's best, well my Santa suit got caught on the dang window latch.
Meanwhile Miss Tilly and gang were getting a tad worried. I'd been in the loo for an awfully long time they must have been thinking I'd either locked myself in or my paw was stuck in the paw-dryer. So doing the right thing they asked the waiter to go and check everything was a-ok.
Imagine his surprise when he looked up and found me half-in-half-out the window frantically trying to wriggle out of the jammed Santa Suit. "Ah I see Sir, you appear to have found yourself in a spot of bother?" Oh boy, I wanted to pass out with embarrassment. Before long Miss Tilly wandered in too, after-all in her mind she was thinking "now there's two cats spending an awfully long time in the loo."
Seeing me jammed in the window and the waiter with a slightly amused look on this face was almost too much for Miss Tilly. Teetering on the brink of toppling over from the sight she took a deep breath and steadied herself. This was not the time to panic.
They had a situation on their paws a plan was needed. Quick smart.
"Minnie Moo I can see you're stuck, is there any reason why you chose not to use the front door?" Darn Miss Tilly's logic. Why didn't I use the front door? "Well Miss Tilly you see I didn't want anybody to know I was leaving the restaurant."
"Ah I see but why would you want to leave when we hadn't even ordered our food?"
"That's exactly it, I can't understand the menu it's got my mind all boggled."
"So Minnie Moo, I think I understand, this whole restaurant experience is just too much for you isn't it, you don't quite know what to do, right?" Exact-a-mondo. I thought.
"How about we get you untangled from the window, take off your Santa suit and start again? I'll help you understand the menu and if you like make suggestions as to what dishes to order. Together I'm sure we can do this." I leaned on my front paws and sighed all I wanted was to slink off home and eat a comforting bowl of friskies.
"Ok I muttered. Let's get me out of here." Somehow Miss Tilly and the waiter formed a cat-chain up the wall and unhooked me from the window latch. Freed from my suit I toyed with the idea of making one final leap and running away but I sighed again and decided to stay and face the music. Turning around, Miss Tilly and the waiter were back on the floor waiting for me to make the 2 jumps down.
Once back on firm ground the three of us made a secret pact to never talk about the "situation" again and that Miss Tilly would help me navigate the menu.
Back at the table no one mentioned my missing Santa suit.
Later on that night I thought about everything Miss Tilly taught me about reading a menu boy it was like climbing Strange Word Mountain. My brain was a soup of too much information. But as I licked my lips tasting the last of my fresh fish fantasia I smiled on the inside thinking my late night friskie snack topped of my food discovery day.
Yours in friskies Minnie MooPS: Is the menu now my best friend? Read more next week here http://minniemoothecat.blogspot.com
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