Friday, 11 November 2011

Minnie Moo the manicure and the Hollywood star

Pre manicure. Nail clawing at the carpet.

There I was in the what I now call "Minnie Moo on the Moove" box and it was wonderful.  Small, dark, warm spaces are like heaven, the coziness makes me feel all snug, safe and sleepy.  Plus the perfectly round windows drilled into the side kept the fresh air going round and round.  

With those cute little windows I could peep outside and my nose could poke out too and given my extraordinary gift of smell I had a strong sense of what was going on all around me.

Well before I get to where we were heading too, I'll back track a little.  The other day I listened to M talking on the telling bone (scratch that I meant telephone) to a super brainy lady who knows everything about cats (ha! impossible I say) and works at that hospital, hotel, day spa. The Vet.  

Apparently it was driving M nuts that I'd decided to bring out one of my really bad habits of randomly clawing my nails repeatedly into the carpet.   I was quite baffled by why M was getting so upset, I mean it just comes so naturally to us members of the feline family, this is, now what's the long word? Instinct.

It's our survival tool. Sharpening our nails (some cats who don't have the same metro-sensitivity as me call them claws) let's us go out and survive in the wild. We can hold on, dig in and climb trees and stuff.

Now I can hear you all thinking....(wow I have so many super-powers!)
"But Minnie Moo you're a huge softie who wouldn't survive a day in the wild, in fact you're a self-confessed scaredy-cat who jumps and runs away from your own shadow.  Even if that man Bear Grylls from the telly held your paw and took you into the wild weeds of the back garden you'd still be scared."
All I can say is you can't do anything about your genes. In my family I can trace our instinctive and distinctive ability to claw stuff back to hundreds and thousands (don't you sprinkle those on biscuits and toast?) of years.  

Anyway M spoke to Mrs Google too and she said what was needed was to spray some yummy smelling cat-nip on a mat and I'd scratch at the same place all the time.  

Well that didn't work, neither did buying a "scratching post". You see I'd tend to warm up by scratching on the post before getting down to the serious business of clawing the carpet.  

I learnt to recognise the water spritzer when I saw that orange bottle coming out of the cupboard I ski-daddled.  Forget clawing carpet there was no way that water was coming anywhere near me.

As a last resort M rang the brainy lady and she suggested that to "bring me in and have my nails trimmed." My first manicure appointment was booked in.  

There I was snug in the box and strapped in the front seat of M's teeny tiny car (aka alien space ship).  Like a good cat I was wearing my seat-belt.  Not only was I snug but I was safe too.

M hopped in the other side, the one with all the strange looking bits sticking out of other bits. A steering wheel, brake, gear stick, radio, accelerator, clutch, handbrake and rear view mirror.  That's just the half of it, the number of gadgets was well, overwhelming. As M was rattling of names that all sounded double-dutch, she turned the key and pumped her foot on the gas pedal.

Wow the engine noise truly startled me.

Now I was in the box, snug, safe and startled!

This was just beyond anything I'd ever experienced the noise was at least one hundred million times louder than when my tummy grumbles for friskies.  

I let out a loud hurtling MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-OWWWWWWWWW, translated,  "HELLO, WHAT'S GOING ON?! 
Strangely M understood me and said "don't worry Minnie Moo, I'm just starting the car, this noise is really normal. I can understand it if you're feeling a little bit frightened.  This is what is going on, the engine is on and making a really healthy noise. Now as I drive manual my foot is pressing down on the clutch and at the same time I'm moving the gear stick to reverse.  See we're driving backwards out the driveway."
"WHAT? I said, driving backwards? Are you crazy?"
"No Minnie Moo I'm not crazy this is how you get your car out of the driveway, now we're on the road, I'm putting the car into gear and we're driving."
"WHAT? we're driving on a road? I'm going to say it again, are you crazy?  I avoid the road like a I do a plate of brussel sprouts and over-cooked poached pears!"
Anyway this type of conversation went on for some time and just as I was beginning to calm down and practice my yoga breathing the alien space ship slowed down eventually coming to a civilised stop. 
"We're here, Minnie Moo, welcome to your hotel, you're going to the spa!" said M in a strangely chirpy high pitched voice.
Now sometimes I act like I believe everything but this time I knew hotel meant vet and spa was code for manicure.

Still safe, snug and not-so-startled in the box M took me inside and popped me on top of the reception counter. Well, blow me down, I peeped out of my tiny round windows and saw something I've never seen before.  A teeny tiny, really mini, silky & pinky looking dog from Mexico.  

A chihuahua.  

I'm still quite speechless.  It was the cutest thing ever and here I was thinking that all dogs were like big floppy monsters with adorable ears and icky wet noses.

Well wasn't I wrong? This little thing all the way from Mexico looked like she was destined to be a little dog yet also a big Hollywood movie star.  I'd never seen anyone so tiny and glamorous.

It's funny how life can turn out. First I'm in a box, then riding in an alien space ship, not soon after I'm checking in for my first spa appointment but not before coming nose to nose with a teeny-weeny-insy-winsy dog all the way from Mexico.

Who would have thought that an ex street cat like me would go on to lead such an exciting life?

Snapping back to reality...."Minnie Moo, it's your turn" the really brainy lady was calling my name and M was carrying me into a small room.  Taking me carefully out of the box I was placed on top of a table.  It's surface was so cold I gasped. Being brave I crouched down and waited patiently.

One by one the really brainy lady trimmed my nails, with each snip my nails slowly looked less like survival tools sharp enough to pull the wool out of any unsuspecting piece of carpet and more like nails ready for my milk hold the coffee mornings! 

It didn't hurt a bit and was all over red rover in 420 seconds. 

Before I knew it I was back snug and safe in the box. As we were leaving I couldn't resist looking out of my tiny round windows, hoping to catch a glimpse of the little dogette (my new word for a tiny dog) all the way from Mexico. 

Alas I couldn't see her.  Ah well, c'est la vie.  In my mind she was already in her chauffeured limousine heading to her private jet, destination Hollywood. 

Just as M was about to head out the door I spied a huge yellow bag with the magic word emblazoned across the front, friskies.

Wow life was amazing! In less than 780 seconds I had three firsts. I had experienced 3 things that simply changed my life.  
  1. meeting a teeny-tiny dogette all the way from Mexico and who was in my mind a big Hollywood movie star
  2. getting a manicure  
  3. spying a huge giant bag of friskies - to me this was the 8th wonder of the cat world

Yours in friskies Minnie Moo
PS: I don't know why I count in seconds.

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